Vibrations

Anything can set me off when I am down and feeling sorry for myself and other times it happens unexpectedly. Then there are those places that send vibrations through me which regardless of my current mental status will still conquer me. Driving home as I watch the slow waltz of the lake while driving by brings tears to my eyes. I even changed my route and tried driving around the other side and still tears flow down my face.
This is my current state of mind and I don't see myself leaving this place anytime soon and I know I do this to myself because I am hurting. A few nights ago as I watched a movie a man was beating his wife and it was so difficult to watch. My mind puts me in that place and I cannot get away from it. I too want my life to get better but I know I have to wait at least two more months before I make my move towards change. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place due to poor decisions made by a depressed and broken hearted drunk. The vibrations of the life I used to live still linger like electrical impulses and other times like lightning strikes to the place that held my heart before. A couple of nights ago I danced in the rain in the middle of the street in the dark while being watched by curious eyes. I can cry in the rain and nobody knows except me especially if its dark. All week Aquarius has called out to me and the time has come for me to feel his arms around me. He fills that empty space between my fingers and sends vibrations through me making me feel wanted again. It is a momentary feeling still it is an injection that I need and the vibration will last until the next time. It is all I have left. I had mentioned my white dress before that I planned to wear as a wedding dress for my dream wedding on the shore I just didn't say who I was going to marry. Aquarius now waits for me at the alter. The current of these vibrations is very strong and I am anxious to wear his ring.

We cannot control these vibrations and as frustrating as it is to have them sometimes they are also the warning signs that guide us through our lives.

I must go now.