Self Esteem

I hate my body! I hate the way I look and the way I feel. I have gained weight with the medication I am on now and normally I walk everyday during my lunch break but with the weather being so hot I stopped. Well it's time to start again. The only good thing that came out of my depression was weightloss although it had more to do with not having an appetite and now I do. I went from eating like a queen because I was well taken care of actually I should say we were well taken care of since we cooked for each other and each others family. Then came the depression and the weightloss. I have tried taking myself off the meds and it hasn't worked out very well so in the meantime or who knows for how long I will continue to take my medication and continue to deal with my weight issues. I do look awful and as much as I like wearing tight pants I don't like it when my pants are crying and screaming and begging for mercy. Tonight I will stand before my friends (other poets) and feel embarrassed and ashamed of how I look so hopefully my voice and the anguish in my voice will distract from the monster I have become. I realize the only person who can fix it is me and I intend to do so. I won't diet, never have and never will so I will go back to hiking in the woods and making my own paths and walking on the beach and in the neighborhood where I work. It's all up to me, I will keep you posted. I will not fail.