Normally I would wait to respond to emails until the end of the day, not today. First of all no, I would not go back. Even if Zeus himself came down and opened his eyes to reality showing him he has misjudged me and would look me in the eyes to realize the truth.
A couple of months ago yes I would have because in spite of the break up I believed with all my heart and soul that he did love me completely. After the DILLIGAF remark I realized the only thing that was hurt was his pride and I was wrong, again, he didn't love me. His pride was bigger and stronger than any love he may have ever thought he had for me otherwise he would have known how much I loved him. Because I thought he truly did love me I held on to every breath he took just like I did when I lay next to him in our slumber inhaling as he exhaled. Yes of course I look back at what I thought we had which is why I turned to stone. Now I am soaring between treetops and clouds in the Hill Country that will make me whole again. I have embraced what is left of me and will continue to fullfill what is left of my destiny.
The other response is for believing or not in what is our god. Why? is the unanswered question. I do not want to offend anyone's belief so just know this is my personal opinion. I consider myself to be spiritual yet not religious. I want to believe in God for selfish reasons because one day I hope to see my daughter again and also out of anger I am hopeful because I want to scream and yell at Him and say what the hell were you thinking????? How could someone who claims to love me find it so easy to hurt me? Oh wait a minute it's the cycle I have been in all my life. So yes I want to believe and no I don't because otherwise I would be living in reality and not in a memory. It isn't wrong to feel this way, it's appropriate. The circumstances call for it. If there is a God I will have to say that one of His greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
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