Truth

There's no such thing as a good lie. Truth is sometimes painful yet always necessary. Pain makes us react in ways that are false and sometimes deadly. Many of you who read my posts and respond with your emailed questions or comments are appreciated because sometimes you point things out to me that I had clearly not thought of or just didn't capture in my posts.
Don't ever hesitate to speak your mind whether it is to me or anyone else in your life. I have lied in the past and it has cost me my life in more ways than I can say. I am worn out and have little to no fight left in me because of this. I figure I must be a cat and today I am on my 9th life. My temper tantrums are well noted on these posts as well as the ones I had on facebook. Plus my therapist probably has his own therapist after dealing with me. My emotional rollercoaster rides are complex because I choose to stay on the ride as a form of punishing myself for my actions and now I am rooted into it and have even grown runners just to make sure I give the appearance of being stable and secure. Out of anger and frustration I have reacted inappropriately having known the truth or yet guessed it well. I was wrong the DILLIGAF response to me didn't mean he didn't love me it meant I hurt him so deeply that he needed to say ouch. I deserved it and I will continue to serve my time for my crime of dishonesty. Still I do know that my dishonesty was in words only and never ever otherwise. I couldn't and wouldn't because my heart belonged to someone else. It was my protective instinct that was at play except I was protecting the wrong person. Either way the result is the same. We lie to ourselves constantly and hurt ourselves in so many ways and we pay and most of the time we are the only ones that know. When the lie involves others we will always fail, guaranteed. My insecurities are floating like a dead carcass on the surface of the water. They have always been there I just hid them well in the past. This feeling of unbalanced is a part of our lives when we have been hurt so much. We feel that nothing is safe, nothing is secure and there is no such thing as forever. The feeling of impending doom waits for us at the end of each breath unless someone comes into our lives that makes us forget the past. We are then given the opportunity to put our guard down and live, laugh, dance and love like nobody is watching leaving all else to chance. Exposing truths and lies because we get to the point of not caring anymore except for the desire to continue life within the threshold of eternal love. Within the Alpha/Omega of all that life has to offer. Love, eternal love the one that makes us cry when we find ourselves alone knowing there is someone out there feeling the exact same way. The one we miss holding us making us feel that within each others arms death may consume us and we would die within the folds of eternal love. DILLIGAF means ouch you have hurt me more than anyone ever has or ever will and it does not mean I do not love you, quite the opposite it means mas que nadie. Don't deny yourself the opportunity to love and be loved because you are afraid. You can only love once completely. It is worth more than life itself. It is the hand meant for the space between your fingers and when you look love in the eyes it looks right back at you.