Reminders

They are everywhere and there is nothing that can be done to stop them. Within an instance we are taken back to that place or feeling. If I said it goes away it would be a lie instead I will tell you that it does make us stronger especially when we can identify it. In my second book "Of Flesh and Bone I am Woman Surviving Abuse" I included a poem written about the man (relative) who sexually abused me as a child. I was pregnant with his baby at 13years old. After you read it let me know if you have questions; my life is an open book and I have nothing to lose.

I SMELL YOU

There is always that smell

That brings me back to you

A touch of a breeze as it passes through

Makes my insides runaway from me

As I fight that feeling to vomit

I can see you in a crowd of strangers

While I am watching the profile of that man

As he walks away buckling his belt

He doesn’t look back either

Like you

Hacking sounds of a congested cough

Encourage me to hide

It is you

You are here within seconds of my life

Time has stood still

While I stand underneath this streetlight

Waiting to cross to the other side

But I think I see you there too

I see you followed me here

Stale beer and cigarettes

The smell of your lips

As they touched mine

Endless tears fill my soul

As I am constantly reminded

Of my past with you

A cue ball strikes its’ target and you’re here

As the cracking sound breaks the silence

An end to a football game

Starts your manipulation of me

You slipped from my past into my present

Like you slipped into my bed

I wish you gone

When I wish upon a star

But here you are

And here I am

Smelling you

While you remember

The hands of my innocence

That impressed you

Casting your shadow upon my youth

You hovered over my existence

Depriving me of my childhood

Was that not enough?

Must you take me now as well?

My energy is spent on this scrimmage

Of you pulling and tugging and dragging my life

Over endless accounts of deception and destruction

Leaving me bleeding at every corner of my life

I have strained to keep you out

By sucking the air out of my own life

And when I think

I finally held my barriers

Firm and strong

My pulse calms down to a roar

I feel the calm before the storm

The wind changes directions

Bringing my childhood back to me

I feel the fiery breath of the beast

As it slowly reaches in

Wrapping its piercing claws around my throat

Blinding my eyes to reality

The flag of surrender sits at my feet

Dropping it again

While reaching for it once more

Caught in the whirlpool

Of your fiery breath

Of stale beer and cigarettes

 My stomach gives up the fight

Leaving behind the contents of my past at your feet

As I smell you once more

I smell you!