A Very Long Pier

The boardwalk grows beneath my feet. For every step I take toward the unknown another board resembling the one I just stepped off of appears. The character marks resemble the first and I can't seem to step off to a new one. I scream outloud that time has moved me to the next level when I know in my heart that it isn't true. Time escorts me in circles rather than forward. I relive my past within an instant between the seconds of time. Certain sounds and certain scents are etched so deep into me that there is no escaping. I think at times I do not want to escape. How else am I supposed to help others learn to deal with the pain if I am to be dismissed. The pain is mine to keep and nobody else will taste it just me. I describe it in detail within the folds of my poetry exposing only what I want you to know. There is one who has been the keeper of my heart and knows the depth of my pain regardless of letting go. Here again, round and round we go within this bottomless pit of pain, heartache and confusion. Why can't we move past the pain? Why can't we just let it go and go on? Feeling good momentarily feels like a malfunction and abnormal. I am used to the pain and am lost without it. I don't even have to close my eyes to feel the inpact of the crutch that was shoved into my stomach. The train passed by with its heaviness obstructing my breathing as he did when I was a child and the weight of his manhood lay on me obstructing my youth. Fear and insecurity is as normal to me as breathing because everyone who ever claimed to love me has hurt me. Nothing has changed but time and the boardwalk grows beneath my feet. I now stand in the middle of the ocean wanting and waiting for it to end. There is no landing in sight since the beginning is now the end. Forever is between the alpha and omega of love. If my heart cries and screams at the bottom of the ocean from the belly of Aquarius the only one who hears it or feels it is my Aquarius. Like no other. We relive the past to remember what it is that brought us here. Our anger is from frustration with each other and with ourselves because we see what could have been. The truth is the tightness that is felt between the raindrops when it reminds you of me. Pain is an instrument to the focus of my energy. Let my pain soothe yours. I will gladly hurt for you so that you won't have to.