Saving

Saving changes. I thought about this today as I was getting ready to close the spreadsheet I was working on.
Just yesterday someone asked me if I felt I have changed. I don't believe I have. I still like the rain, the sea and grass bowing down to the wind. I still desire to fly a kite and blow bubbles and chase them. My love for food, music and poetry is still here. Hiking, camping and solitude are always a thought away. I still prefer truth and believe in love. All of these things are real. Having been abused does not make me a hater instead it makes me vulnerable yet cold to the point of being obnoxious (no sleep lost here). These are the things that send vibrations through my body. When I look into the horizon it makes my body tremble with anxiety because I am curious as to what comes next. I have failed at diversity and will be the first to admit it. I have not changed, I am still the person I used to be. My faults have taught me that I am more vulnerable than I thought and now I know so therefore I never say never or forever. Those are four letter words. My shadow is wider not taller so physically I have changed and I am making an effort to release the hot air balloon that is now my body. I prefer to look back than look in the mirror. I know what is there because it is real. Reality does not change. Never say never.