Abuse occurs when people mistreat or misuse other people, showing no concern for their integrity or innate worth as individuals, and in a manner that degrades their well being. Abusers frequently are interested in controlling their victims. They use abusive behaviors to manipulate their victims into submission or compliance with their will.
Abusers control and compel their victims in a variety of ways. They may verbally abuse them by calling them names, tell them they are stupid, have no worth or will not amount to anything on their own. They may become physically violent, inflicting pain, bruises, broken bones and other physical wounds (visible and hidden both). They may rape or sexually assault their victims. Alternatively they may neglect dependent victims, disavowing any responsibilities they may have towards those victims, and causing damage through lack of action rather than through a harmful, manipulative action itself.
As victims we don't get to pick our abuse. It is traumatizing to the point of self inflicted wounds. We ruin our own relationships because we are constantly suspicious or we allow our partners to get away with things for fear of being left alone. We say yes to abuse when we allow someone that we love to use us for their sexual pleasure and we do it because we want to please our abuser. The abuser knows this and takes advantage and in doing so will continue to add trauma to the victim. An abuser will justify his or her actions as being appropriate without remorse disrespecting the victim even more. I am a survivor of this horrific pattern of abuse. I am posting this message as part of my healing so that I will not allow myself to be abused again and so that you may share this message with someone you know who is or was being abused or is an abuser.
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