Past

A part of me wishes I could erase the past and yet so many things and experiences would be omitted just by changing one thing.
In my case if I changed the very beginning of this downward spiral of my life I don't know where I would be right now. More than likely I would not be here. I would change my mothers cheating on my father. That day has defined my entire life. I hate people who deny their actions and it aggravates me because nothing can be done about it. Accusations coming at you are more than likely a product of personal guilt. I became very hateful out of spite and anger and I still feel it today I just am able to control it so much better. I still have the urge to runaway and be alone which is very productive for me. We all deal with guilt, pride and stupidity different and this is my way. I have survived so much disaster in my life then finally death consumed me with a fatal lie. Lesson learned; I trust no one. I brought this upon myself. Nobody can hurt me without my permission and I will be damned if I should ever allow it again.  I am in control of my life and I will pick and choose who will look at me and my shadow will only go where I tell it to go. Drama is for the idiots who can't make up their minds and are confused about reality. My reality is right here in black and white. I don't intend to take life on with kid gloves nor do I intend to be the fall guy for poor decisions made by god wannabes. Damn it feels good to throw sun spots like darts at the drama queens of life. Abuse this!