Weakness

I have been ill these last few days and haven't had the will or the strength to do anything. I am still feeling weak but I went outside today and rode my bike for a little while just for the fresh air. I did find out that dizziness and bike riding are not a good combination.
Without going into detail I can at least say that the cause of my illness was one of my weaknesses. We all have them and we all have a difficult time saying no to them. Actually for me I don't even think of that forbidden word. Sometimes I am guilty of being a glutton for punishment. I find myself repeating the same process over and over again expecting a different result. I am or was a creature of habit. I allowed my self to be hurt over and over again by the same person expecting a different outcome. Love has a strange way of leading us into darkness expecting to find a kaleidescope of hope. It didn't happen; still I waited. Then I did find that kaleidescope I was looking for and I slowly turned the scope embracing every color and it's shadow. Finally the war was over with myself. So when the next circumstance of the past came knocking at my door I had lifted myself and was no longer a doormat. My weakness became my strength and I overcame the false hope I had of love. I learned that what I thought was love was actually someone else's pride and I deserve better. Weaknesses tempt us on a daily basis and as long as we are creatures of habit we will continue down the same path and always expect a different result. Only we can make the difference if we want to.