Permission

Last night I spent the evening with my beautiful daughter. We did some shopping then picked up some dinner and went and ate at home. While we were sitting there she reached over and picked up a small white box and opened it and reached over and handed me one of the most touching gifts I have ever received.
It is a ring with a beautiful inscription on it which reads "Nobody Can Hurt Me Without My Permission". I am taking these words as my strategy for survival. Yes, I have survived many things from sexual abuse, death of a child, domestic violence and the loss of my soul-mate. My rude awakening last year was my accident and the fallout which I am still dealing with at the moment. I allowed myself to be hurt because I made a deal with the devil, meaning, I lied. A victim of abuse cannot even begin to think about permission because they are still living in hell. As a survivor we have the power to decide for ourselves if we want to allow someone else to hurt us again or not. We know the signs, the red flags that tell us something is wrong. From control to over powering glares and derogatory remarks. Nobody can hurt me without my permission. My decision to move out into the Hill Country is one of the ways I keep myself from getting hurt. It is the place where I feel I am the least vulnerable that is only because nobody can find me unless I am out riding my bike. When I am within the folds of the Hill Country I stand with an open mind, an open heart and absorb its beauty into my pores. During that moment all my barriers are down and my thoughts, dreams and realty dance with the wind which swirl between the hills dipping into valleys and then shoot straight up into open skies. At night the stars hear all my thoughts, cries and laughter. They connect the dots between my heart and yours. I do this because I am weak and I am scared. This is how I protect myself from being hurt again. My shield will remain and this ring will serve as a reminder of the strength I once had which I am striving to have again. I am a survivor and I am gaining my strength back one day at a time. My family and my advocacy are my life and tonight I have an opportunity to speak to a group of college students and introduce them to survival as we sit together and watch the film "Until the Violence Stops". They will hear my story and yours and I guarantee you that when they leave they will know us. We are not alone and the more we speak out the louder we get. Nobody can hurt me without my permission!