I don't think it is an excuse for how I feel emotionally. It's just a cold for heavens sake.
I took all my clothes off after I lay on my bed watching "The Secret Garden". I love the movie and I will probably watch it again in a couple of weeks. I stood in front of the mirror which I don't do very often and after calling myself a few names I put on some shorts that showed off my cellulite and tried to wish it away. I try not to talk to anyone about my weight problem but it doesn't work. I seem to somehow end up in this conversation. While suffering from my nervous breakdown this past year I lost so much weight and when I started my meds I gained it. I didn't look in the mirror during my depression at all. I didn't realize I had lost the weight until I saw a picture of myself that my daughter had taken. I gained the weight very fast and didn't realize it until I started having problems finding clothes to wear. I have closets and containers filled with clothes that don't fit. Everyone I speak with about my problem is sweet and kind and very supportive. The bottom line is that I am not happy with myself and I am working on making improvements. I went to the thrift store and bought a couple of things that fit me right now. I still found myself looking at things in my previous size. I am such a dreamer. Although it is only a matter of time. I don't wanna be skinny; never have been before. I just want to be happy. Happiness is within arms length and I can reach it if I stop being a drama queen and quit soaking in denial. It is a shame to be miserable when happiness is so close for the sake of such pettiness. I will be a cat in my next life; a fat one.
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